Circles We Find Ourselves In
by dlmullan
Summary: After 10,000 years, Marcus awakens from Babylon 5 stasis only to discover that he has choices to make about life, love, death, and the human collective consciousness. Will guilt hold him back? Cole/Ivanova/Garibaldi/Sheridan/Delenn/Lennier/Sinclair/Londo
1. Chapter 1

**Circles Part 1 of 4** - (Reviews Requested)

"Lights on."

As the computer spoke, the darkness faded into a slow, determined glow. Light bloomed. Soon no crevice held shadow.

When the room was lit, he opened his green eyes. He blinked. He focused forward then around.

"Navigation ready."

He discovered himself sitting in the captain's chair of White Star Prime. He turned from side to side. He saw the consoles were ready for any adventure he set forth.

"Jump engines online."

The ship was as he remembered. The white captain and executive officer's chairs sat beside the other. The smell of metal, plastic, and sweet Minbari incense filled the air. Even in the middle of the bridge, he felt the electronics heat up.

"Waiting for coordinates."

The thirty-five year old took stock in himself. On his person, he wore his Ranger uniform. Black boots, pants with a pullover under a dark two-tone cape. He touched his left side where his pike rested. Even his boots fit as snug as they ever did.

He slid his hand over his pendant. The cool feel of the green gem soothed his nerves. The symbol reminded him of his oath to protect the galaxy from the darkness.

"Good day, Ranger Cole."

With a steep breath inward, he prepared himself. He had a great many questions. For one thing, the computer misspoke. Updates were given in English not Minbari.

"Computer. What is our current status?" His voice cracked with a rasp. His throat felt dry and painful. He mustered up some saliva and swallowed.

The feminine voice boomed over the speakers once more. "We are currently at the edge."

"The edge of what?" Silence. He scratched his beard. "Computer?"

"Unknown."

"Unknown?"

"Confirmed."

"Show me."

An image unfolded onto the front of the bridge. The holographic screen showed nothing. Space had no light. No planet. No galaxy. No star.

He stood up. With the flutter of his cape, he walked toward the blackness. He viewed the absence of everything.

"Computer. What is the closest system?"

"Corianus Six."

"How long would it take us to get there?"

"Forty-six years."

"Excuse me?" He turned around. "In hyperspace?"

"Confirmed."

"How did we drift this far from course? How long have we been here? Where's the rest of the crew?" His British voice raised in intensity and volume. "Answer me!"

"We do not have a response."

"Why not?"

"Because the computer doesn't exist, Marcus." A familiar voice startled the Ranger.

Marcus pivoted on his heel. Instead of an empty screen at the front of the cabin, he saw a man from his memory. The past stood at hand.

"Captain Sheridan? How did you get there? What's going on?" Marcus looked about the area. He appeared to be looking for more unexpected guests.

The man walked to Marcus and offered his palm. Both men shook each other's hands. Smiles and elation framed their faces as the men released their holds.

The captain wore the black ceremonial outfit Delenn had prepared for the command staff of Babylon 5. Above his Earthforce insignia, he also wore a Ranger pendant. A little more gray salted his brunette, but nothing else had changed about the man.

"I thought we were on a first name basis by now."

"You're the commander of our forces. We're in the middle of a war still."

"Are we?"

"I don't understand."

"Marcus." John patted the other man's shoulder. "You don't know how happy I am to see you."

"And, I you. What happened? How did I get here? Did we win against the Shadows and Vorlons? Where exactly are we anyway?"

John furrowed his brow. "You don't remember."

"Remember what?"

"You died before the war ended."

"Died?" Marcus took a moment. He walked around the bridge. He thought back. "I'm dead?"

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"We were about to confront the Shadows and Vorlons."

"We defeated the Shadows and the Vorlons. They went to the Rim. It was another battle for which you took off during and returned to Babylon Five."

"Why?" He shook his head.

"Susan."

Marcus combed his fingers through his sable brown, shoulder length hair. "I did, didn't I? Missed the battle between us and Earthforce."

"For love, honor, and sacrifice."

The Ranger stepped within a meter of the other man. "How is she?"

"She's fine. Waiting for us."

"Is she? Why can't I see her now?" Marcus pointed at John. "Does this mean, you're dead too?"

"We all are."

"All? No one survived the war?"

"Survived: yes. But you must understand, the human race isn't like you anymore. We've evolved. In the last ten thousand years, we shed our physical bodies. What you see is my soul encapsulated in energy."

"If ten thousand years has gone by, then you would've died long before humanity had evolved."

"True, but the collective human consciousness which always existed has kept every human soul preserved, alive and well. Born again and again, until we became what we are now."

"And, what exactly is that?"

"Something very different from you. You are a pure human soul. You lived a life of honor. Gave your life for love."

"Why is that different?"

"She did the same for you. You've been in cryogenic status since your death."

"Cryogenic?"

"Your life force energy healed her wounds. Upon her death, you were supposed to be removed from stasis and buried next to her. That never happened."

"What? Why not?"

"You've got to understand the Earth government had retaken custody of Babylon Five. They transferred the containers in use before the station was decommissioned. Yours mistakenly got mixed up with the telepaths from the Shadow War. The container we thought you were in was given to the Minbari government."

"So I was supposed to stay on Minbar?"

"Susan spoke to you everyday when she took over the Rangers."

"She became Ranger One? I'd always assumed it would be Mister Garibaldi."

"Nah, Michael had a different path to take." John gleamed. "You'd be so proud. She retired as General Ivanova and then came to Minbar. The mix up hadn't been realized until after she died. After all, the paperwork had been destroyed with the station."

"They destroyed Babylon Five? For what reason?"

"Lack of use. After the war was over, we created the Interstellar Alliance. Babylon Five was no longer necessary as a hub for trade or travel."

"So the Earth government took custody of my body. What did they do to me?"

"Nothing. Put you and others away. One body was revived every century to see if technology and medical science had advanced far enough to revive you all. After awhile, being the last unopened container, you were simply misplaced and forgotten."

"For ten thousand years?"

"A solar generator connected to a remote science research station keeps you preserved. You could last ten thousand more as long as an asteroid or other means of destruction doesn't happen."

"So how am I here talking with you?"

"You aren't. What you see . . ." John twirled with his arms wide open. "Is part of your imagination. When your life force was drained, you weren't actually killed. Just reduced your life energy enough to be determined dead."

"My prognosis was death but I'm not actually dead? So now I'm supposed to run around clanking chains? And who am I supposed to haunt?"

John grinned. "After centuries of research, we figured out the alien device you used to save Susan did not kill as we understood. It was an alien punishment device. As the punishment goes, the device drains the life force from its victims but not completely."

"So I'm alive? In stasis?"

"A low static charge has kept you in a coma-like state. The cryogenic chamber enhanced your ability to survive. The device was to trap a soul into the body as not to be released and not to be born ever again. Therefore it keeps the criminal from assaulting the species over subsequent generations."

"A permanent solution. So why am I here? I made my choice and I'd do it again."

"Being the last of our kind in its physical form, you haven't evolved. We are concerned about the state of your soul."

With a chuckle, Marcus walked to the front of the bridge. "Apparently, it's in stasis."

John snorted a laugh. "You always had a morbid sense of humor."

"What's this all about? And, no more cryptic answers. I want to know the truth. I want to know which literary source I should be quoting. Dickins? Dickinson?"

"I can't help you with that one. I was more into Lincoln."

"I'll just draw from my own intuition then. So, what can you tell me?""

"When all human souls were called home to the collective consciousness, a tug of one was felt. One that was not free from its mortal bounds."

"So I must choose death in order to continue with you?"

"In a manner of speaking, you must release your soul from your body."

"And if I don't? I'll stay trapped until the power source drains and then what?"

"You will be alone. We will be gone from this place. Nowhere to go. No one to be born into."

"How about a Minbari body?"

"That door was closed when Delenn changed. And, Minbari went to the Rim a thousand, thousand generations ago."

"So what must I do? Willingly die, again?"

"The others in the collective and I have discussed your predicament. We wanted to find a way to restore your life. So when you do die, someone will come for you. A natural death would satisfy the balance."

"I don't want another life. Everything I knew, I loved, it's all gone. There's nothing left. Family. Friends. What do you expect me to do?"

"We know it's difficult. The choice. Death or life and then death. The bright side is you'll already be ahead of the game. You'll know your soul will survive and join us."

"What if I don't want that? What if I want to go now? See you? Stephen. Michael. Susan. Where are they anyway?"

"I was voted to make the trip into your mind. The others have tried over the centuries but could not get in. Your Ranger training has served you well."

"Do the Rangers still exist?"

"In a way. The Interstellar Alliance survived all but these last few hundred years."

"It's quite an achievement."

"It was. The newer races, however, came and began wars- the whole cycle again. No one even remembers our names any more. The galaxy is all but empty of our fingerprints. New species have become sentient from the ashes."

"Phoenix rising."

"I want you to go and see the galaxy. See if there's anything there that could be of interest to you."

"All I'm interested in is Susan." Marcus smiled. "She might have moved on but I have not."

"You were deprived of a chance. She waits for you-"

"I want that chance now. Even if it's in my mind."

"Your body's already been released. Alien doctors have begun the process of reconstituting your body; strengthening your muscles; pumping your heart."

"That's not what I want. I want to go with you."

The lights inside the White Star dimmed then went gray. Marcus heard a heart beat. His heart grew louder with each second that passed by.

"Stop it!" A strange male voice echoed.

Marcus and John looked around then the room shifted. With a blink of his eyes, the Ranger found himself at the Centauri Royal Court. A man rose from the throne while the others filtered from the room.

"Ambassador Mollari, but you're not human."

Londo swished his hand in the air. He staggered down the steps. "Ah, I don't play by their rules."

"Where's Captain Sheridan?"

"Finally, not bothering us."

"I see, you've moved up."

"I was exalted to Emperor." He gulped from a chalice. "After several lifetimes I became less like the old Republic Londo and more like Vir, well, except for my flamboyance and cunning and drinking."

Marcus paced a few times. "But I thought I was being revived. I had to live out my life in order for me to advance."

"Sheridan was always full of himself. This has nothing to do with evolution, but guilt."

"Guilt? I don't see how I'm a source of collective guilt."

"For letting you languish for so long. Not allowing you to rejoin the collective and be reborn like the rest. They were scared. With their petty self-interest to develop, they forgot one of their own. Couldn't face the consequences."

"Consequences? Why would there be consequences?"

"How can they compete with your earnest nature? A true knight. Yes?"

"You speak of the Roundtable?"

"I don't really care what shape it is. I just know you have embarrassed them and now that they need you . . . well, let's just say, they're a little upset."

"Tell me how they need me."

"Even in my state, I can see it perfectly. Think about it."

Marcus contemplated, but could not see Londo's inebriated point of view. Instead, he thought someone else might be able to help him: a close friend. "If I can see you, then why not the others? How about Stephen? Um, Doctor Franklin to you?"

"He has been whisked away by G'Kar. Discussion of biology versus theology. Ever since he wrote a religious text, that Narn has been difficult to live with. Pious. Saintly." He guzzled his liquor. "Eternity has been impossible with his rants. I hope Doctor Franklin has taken him to task."

Londo went to the large window and pulled back the thin white curtain. He looked onto an idealized Centauri world. He gestured and the Ranger stepped closer.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

"Very."

"This is not what I left. I left destruction. Vir. Vir did this. Reconstruction from the old into a new Centauri age. I'm so glad he never learned a thing from me. But don't tell him I said that. I don't want to hear the 'I told you so.' It would be worse than listening to G'Kar."

Marcus grinned while Londo laughed. "So am I really dead?"

"Dead? Yes . . . and no. The human collective is new and forming. They've figured out that you are the only reason why they cannot move beyond the Rim."

"Why?"

"Because every soul ever born in the human collective consciousness must be gathered in order for them to move on. Some of the races during our time are already there. The Centauri, Minbari, even the Narn have gone. The humans are next, but there is a problem."

"My cryogenic stasis."

"Exactly, and they are most eager to release you from your mortal bonds, as they say. I don't care either way, but causing a little bit of trouble is fun. Is it not?

"I have been bombarded with information ever since I woke up. If in fact, that's what I did. I'm not sure about this whole thing."

"You doubt. Good. A little skepticism is healthy. Come with me, and I'll show you what's been going on." Londo urged Marcus to follow. "Hurry, before they figure out where I took you."

As the two went into the hall, the corridor turned dark. When Marcus reached the light source, he was no longer on Centauri. He was in a vast room.

"Now, what?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Circles Part 2 of 4** - (Reviews Requested)

In the dimness, Marcus looked around. He tried to go the way he came but no door existed. No window existed. He was trapped in an endless cage of four blank walls. A spot light glowed in the middle of the room while the rest remained dark. He stood on the outskirts of the beam.

"Hello? Emperor Mollari? Captain Sheridan?"

"Is looking for you, Marcus." A familiar female voice came from a small hooded mass. When the figure stepped into the light, she took off the cowl.

The thick brown robe hid her tiny frame, but Marcus remembered well. He saw her wear her customary pink ribbon robes with purple sleeves underneath the camouflage. The Ranger One pin was located on her lapel.

She was beautiful. Brown hair combed through her hybrid Minbair-human head bone. Rose colored her cheeks and lips were. Young eyes sparkled. She smiled with recognition and delight.

"Entil'Zha!" He grinned and bowed with hands together as he did in life.

She returned the Minbari greeting. "Marcus, it is good to see you."

"It's good to see you too. Delenn, what's happening to me?"

"A test."

"Test? For what? I'm dead."

"Yes, but your soul is primitive. At least, that's what they believe. You see, humanity has grown. Knowledge, logic, and science have catapulted them into incorporeal beings ready for the Rim."

"So why me?"

"Your life was cut short."

"I sacrificed myself to save someone I love."

"And, that 's the intrigue and the problem."

"Could you please explain it to me? I feel like a puppet on a live wire act and at any moment someone's going to cut the strings."

She smiled. "Not long after you passed, humans began living for hundreds of years. The longest reached three hundred and eighty-seven. With this, many human qualities slipped through their grasp, including love. So when it was time to leave the younger races to grow and learn by themselves, humans left behind their ability to create and maintain emotional attachments. Even John and I have grown apart these many millennia. So much so, when the Minbari decided to leave, I went with them."

"That's terrible. Delenn, I'm so sorry."

"That's the reason why Susan cannot come to you. At least, not yet. Humanity has forgotten what it is to feel."

"So they sent me a soldier first?"

"It will take some time for them to understand someone so . . ."

"Emotional?"

"Passionate. Devoted. Loyal."

"Now, I feel that I am not a puppet but a tragic hero waiting for his heroine to awaken him with a kiss. So what must I do?"

"What you are doing." She placed the hood back on her head. Stepped backward into the dense shadow. Delenn disappeared. "You'll understand soon."

"And what's that? Delenn? Delenn!"

After a few moments, the spotlight closed tight until darkness was constant. The black did not last long, gray emerged. Who Marcus saw next from the shadows was a man in a crisp gray suit.

"Marcus."

"Mister Garibaldi. I wasn't expecting you. Although in this Dickens classic, I was waiting for the Ghost of Christmas Present."

In the gloom, Michael gestured for him to sit. Marcus turned to see a well lit living room. Marcus sat on the couch. Michael sat in his favorite recliner.

"Then consider me your present. Gift-wrapped and everything."

The Ranger gazed around the room. A couch, two chairs, coffee table, pictures, art, and trinkets adorned the area. Old southwestern American flare married to Mars distinct culture defined the orange and beige style.

"I figured you would show me the inside of a Babylon Five prison cell."

"You didn't get a chance to see me move up, so I thought this would be a great time." Michael poured some dark yellow liquid from a glass carafe into two glasses. "Drink? Don't worry, it's orange juice."

"Love to." Marcus sipped. "Very good."

"I have the ability and resources to get oranges brought to Mars. And I have someone juice them for me. Once a month or so, it's a treat."

"Did you ever marry?"

"Yep. To the ex-wife of all people." Garibaldi swigged, set his glass down, and then handed Marcus a picture frame from an end table. "Got a daughter too in the deal."

Along with his glass, Marcus placed the item on the coffee table. "Beautiful. Now will I be told why I'm here?"

"Right to the point, I like that. Or, moreover, we changed. Humans, I mean. We're no longer in bodies."

"I've seen."

"I guess the most important thing is: do you have any questions?" Michael slouched with his juice in hand.

With folded hands in his lap, Marcus sat with perfect posture. "Lots."

"Well, let's hear them."

"Why am I here? What's really going on? Why am I being tested?"

"To help us."

"I thought I was the problem."

"You've always been a pain in the ass."

"And how does that help you?"

"Even though you can be a pain, you are as civil as you are courageous and chivalrous. Stephen said once you compared yourself to Galahad."

"And him, Percival. Sorry, we never discussed you."

Michael chuckled. "That's all right. I was never knightly."

"All of us have a knight in him or her somewhere."

"I would really like to believe so." Marcus bowed his head away from Michael. "What is it?"

The Ranger looked up. "It's nice. Just to have a conversation."

"But?"

"I have to know. How to fix this. Whatever it is."

"The captain told you how."

"So when my body's released from the cryogenic chamber, I should wish for death? You're off the hook?"

"Not really. Once you're back inside the collective, we have work to do. We have to make sure you're evolved enough to come with us."

"You don't know?" Marcus stood. "Then why are we having this discussion? Leave me in stasis. Forever. I won't drag down humanity."

Michael reacted by getting to his feet. "You would sacrifice your soul too? It's different than your life, Marcus."

"I am a Ranger. I place others above myself."

Michael chuckled while he nodded. "That you are. That you do."

"So why am I being tested?"

"Evolution of the soul."

"No." Marcus shook his head. "See, I don't think so. I have been sent a soldier, now a security chief. I must be much more important than a lingering soul. I'm a threat. C'mon, admit it."

"You are but not in the way you may think."

"Keep humanity from moving onto the Rim. If not that, then why, Mister Garibaldi?"

"Can't recall. They talk but I don't listen. Paranoia, I say. My advice to you is to be yourself. Show them what they're missing."

Marcus shrugged. "Where can I go to think?"

"There's a guest room." Michael pointed. "Down the hall on the right."

As Marcus walked to the door, he turned. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, of course, I'm sure. I live here, you know?"

Marcus grinned. "Then I'll be down the hall."

The farther he went, the longer the corridor became and no doors appeared. Marcus found himself walking faster. No matter the pace, walking, jogging, running, or racing, he could not get to the end.

He stopped. He glanced side to side, up and down. The corridor had disappeared.

"What do you want from me?"

In front of him, a door appeared and opened. Inside the area was dark. No light. Nothing. The chasm of the edge whispered to him.

Space- deep and dark and opaque- dangled. With a rush of air, he looked behind him. The walls moved and melted together. Pushed forward, Marcus edged closer to the abyss.

When the walls converged on his position, the floor inclined. His boots slipped. Within moments, Marcus Cole fell into the void.

"Ahh . . . !" He plummeted but his voice seemed muffled. No echo occurred. To his sensibilities, the declination continued for hours.

With a thud, Marcus hit the floor. His boots made a clink clunk sound. He felt lucky to be alive. "Lucky to be standing upright, I should say. Alive is still questionable."

A spotlight appeared in the dark grey. "Back here, am I? I wonder who's going to visit me now."

He walked toward the circle. He noticed the main light was not the only beam. Nine circular light gray lights surrounded the white light of the middle.

Marcus recognized the place. Again he stood by the beam but not in it. "The Grey Council chambers."

"You are the first non-Minbari visitor in centuries."

A light male voice descended into Marcus's ears. "Lennier?"

Lennier stepped into the light. He bowed as Marcus did in return. "It is good to see you."

"And you. Where's Delenn?"

"Unavailable. She sends her regrets and me."

"So, you're now in the regret category?

"Much happened after you . . . departed."

"I assume then you are the Ghost of Christmas Future?

"I'm not sure what you mean. I feel very much in the present."

"It's okay, Lennier. It's just good to see you."

"Delenn wanted me to help you in any way that I can, but I'm not certain what that could be."

"Do you know what's going on with me?"

"Partly. First I had to save you from Emperor Mollari. He wished to speak with you again."

"About?"

"I don't know but he does like to hold parties for everyone as well as private dinners."

"Dinner? Although I'm not particularly parched per se, but you are all dead and still have dinner?"

"We break off the part of ourselves that once knew each other and reminisce about the past. Something we could not do while alive. Now that you are here, our compliment is complete."

"The question is: will I be able to stay?"

"Who knows? The universe is as mysterious as it is infinite."

"It is indeed." Marcus exhaled. "How may I prove myself worthy? I don't want to live. I want to find Susan."

"Perhaps there is a way to do both."

"How? What do I need to do? Lennier?"

"Delenn is looking into that avenue. I am here to keep you from the human collective consciousness until she can discover the truth."

"Why am I not? It is my problem after all."

"It is not your problem, Marcus. You are a pure soul. Full of courage, passion, loyalty, and love. The collective is different and doesn't quite understand you. At the same time, must have you."

"In order to go to the Rim."

"Correct. They feel threatened by you."

"I've discovered as much for myself through other contacts."

"Yes, it's the collective's chance to prove themselves to the older races."

"What have the Minbari decided?"

"That depends on you."

"Me? I'm not qualified."

"Why do you think you were chosen? As Delenn knew Sinclair was a Minbari soul, she saw qualities in you, she believes will help the humans progress."

"What do you think?"

"What is, is." Lennier turned his head as if he heard speech from behind him. He nodded. "Stand in the center."

"That's an honored and reserved space."

"For you." Lennier stepped away. "Please."

Reluctant, but eager to resolve the situation, Marcus stepped forward. The beam consumed him.

Marcus felt nervous. What did the future hold? And did it include Susan?


	3. Chapter 3

**Circles Part 3 of 4** - (Reviews Requested)

All nine circles lit. A figure stepped into five of the spotlights. Marcus recognized most members of this Grey Council: Captain Sheridan, Michael Garibaldi, Susan Ivanova, Lennier, but not the hooded man.

The Ranger surmised the missing members would appear as necessary. He was curious about the absent associates. His interest peaked when two of the circles dimmed into a medium gray as opposed to the spherical bright lights and rectangular dense darkness that surround him.

"Greetings everyone. Marcus." Sheridan clapped his hands once and rubbed them together. "Delenn said to begin and she would arrive soon. Jeffrey Sinclair will moderate. Londo's somewhere, drinking, I presume. Stephen and G'Kar, well, that's a discussion for another time."

"Considering we haven't seen them in over two hundred years?" Garibaldi snickered. "Maybe we need to send out a search party. Huh? Anyone?"

"They'll be fine on their own." Sinclair took off his hood. He appeared human. "Good to see you again, Marcus."

"Respects, Entil'Zha." He bowed. "Although, I thought you would appear as Valen."

"For today, I'm as you last saw me. Gray hair, wrinkles, and all from the second temporal field exposure." He looked at the other council members. "Please, continue."

"We've come together to add our two cents in and get your decision." Sheridan turned to the Ranger.

"Will I die?" Marcus laughed.

"I'm sorry, I am missing something?" Garibaldi gestured with an open palm. "What's so funny about that?"

"As far as I'm concerned, I'm already dead. This is a grand illusion."

"Not like you haven't had them before." Ivanova raised an eyebrow.

For her attire, she wore her Earthforce Captain's uniform. Her brown hair with golden highlights was pulled back into a severe bun. Blue eyes remained stern.

"True." He turned his whole body toward Susan. "I've heard many things, from many people. I'm not going to give an answer one way or another until I know the truth."

"The truth is . . ." Ivanova stepped out of her light and went to Marcus. In front of him she stood but she remained in the gray area. "Humans like yourself are selfish, egotistical maniacs."

"Susan." Sheridan protested.

For a moment, Ivanova put her hand up to quell the objection. "I want to hear what he has to say in his defense."

"My defense? I gave my life for you, Susan."

"Why? It wasn't out of concern or adoration. Those are immature notions. We've learned since then. Whatever you had deluded yourself into thinking was not your true intent."

"How would you know what my intent was? You were unconscious."

"And happy to die. That life for me was over."

"Well, I didn't see it that way."

"Of course, you didn't. Did you ever?" Ivanova pointed at him. "You have no idea what you put us through."

"Tell me, then."

"The part of me that still remembers . . ." She shook head. Tears welled in her eyes. "Stephen couldn't even say your name for months afterward. And, I? I can't even put into words the agony I suffered. I was supposed to die. A warrior. A veteran. A hero. And you took that from me."

"You became one of the greatest warriors and leaders the humans and Rangers ever knew." Lennier bowed when he had everyone's attention. "The galaxy would have suffered the greater loss of your contribution, Entil'Zha."

"See, there was a purpose in my sacrifice."

"But it was for the wrong reasons, you selfish bastard." With haste, Ivanova wiped the tears away. "You didn't want to live. You lost your brother, everything, and then became a Ranger. So I became the justification for your untimely exodus."

"I love you, Susan. I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

"You put your life on the line for Delenn during her Ranger One ceremony. Did you love her too?"

"She was important to the cause. You were important to me." He stepped closer to her saddened glare. "Are important to me."

"Ooo! You don't understand what you did. To me. To us. I was supposed to die. You were supposed to live."

"And I would've put you in stasis. In ten thousand years, we would nonetheless be having this conversation. Just this time, you would be in the center instead of me."

"There's no reasoning with him." Ivanova balled up her fists. She stormed off and muttered curses clear back to her circle of light. "None!"

"Just like the good ole days." Garbaldi chuckled.

"I think what Susan means is that you were more than happy to end your life for whatever reason you entertained. It wasn't about her." Sinclair broke Marcus away from his locked gaze with Ivanova. "Life was meaningless to you."

"Contrary to popular belief, I was not hell bent on dying. I rather believe I'd live forever." He looked at himself. "Seems I was half right."

"Then what were you doing?" Garibaldi scratched his bald head. "I mean, c'mon, you were in love with Susan. I get that. So you traded places. You were healthy and fit. She was horribly mangled. Never to breathe again-"

Sheridan tilted his head in frustration. "That's not helping, Michael."

"All I'm saying is: you would've done it for Delenn. I would've done it for Liz."

"This isn't about us."

"Isn't it?" Marcus looked to Sheridan. "From what I understand of the situation, humanity never dealt with its emotions. Shucked them aside for the sake of progress. You've forgotten what it is to be human."

"Yes, they have." A creature stepped into one of the circles. Very tall, and bald, strange eyes gleamed in the harsh lighting. Thin and long from head to legs, the being stood out amongst his peers. "Ready for the Rim, are you?"

"Lorien." Sheridan smiled. "I haven't seen you in ages."

"Tired, I was. I am. Resting in the stars, but I was curious about this dilemma." His cream robes with gold detailing glistened in the blue aura that surround him. "Had to experience the summation of the human race for myself."

"I remember now, the Shadow War." Marcus snapped his fingers. "The Vorlons and the Shadows gave us only two choices: chaos or order. It's what I'm hearing now. Die or live to die. Choose."

"And what is your choice?" Lorien motioned with his pale fingers.

"Neither." Marcus saw the confusion on their faces. "I don't want to live. I don't want to die."

"You choose to remain?" Lorien smirked. "As you are?"

"Yes. I don't believe the human race is ready for the Rim . . . yet. If I'm only given two choices, then humans have devolved. Declined into the pettiness of the Shadows and Vorlons- not defeated their ideology, but adopted it."

"You would hold us back?" Ivanova huffed. "This is the kind of stuff I had to put up with. You were always going around instead of through."

"Because I'm a selfish bastard?"

"Damn straight." Ivanova paced in her circle.

"You do realize you're holding back the entire human collective consciousness?" Garibaldi shrugged to Marcus's nod. "Okay, well, I'm going back home now."

"Wait a minute." Sheridan stopped Michael. "No one's going anywhere until we solve this."

Marcus folded his hands in front of him. "I have nowhere I have to be."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Ivanova ceased her movement as Marcus's reaction was a deep laughter. "Ah!"

Garibaldi raised his brow. "Maybe a little too much."

"While you were evolving, had you ever stopped to wonder why you left me in stasis? I'm sure someone had to know my name hadn't been checked off the list."

"That was my doing." Delenn entered a circle. She removed her cowl. "I hid Marcus away from humanity."

"Delenn. It's good to see you."

"It's good to see you too, John."

"Why did you do that?" Sheridan's visage played in wonderment. He appeared more enamored with her presence than upset with her actions. "Marcus had the right to evolve with us."

"I'm wondering that myself, Delenn." Marcus turned his whole body toward her location. He noticed her pink satin robes with purple sleeves now had blue ribbons and navy sleeves. Her brown curled hair had gray streaks in the bangs. In the time between meetings, she had aged. "Why did you conceal me?"

Delenn turned her attention to Marcus. "Since you adopted our culture as a way of life, the Minbari are prepared to take you, as you are, to the Rim. When your body finally dies, your soul will be released. Bound to a body, your mind is welcome to explore. And later, your soul to commune with us."

"But that doesn't answer the question." Marcus tapped his finger on his chin. "Why go through all this?"

"To offer you a third choice." She smiled.

"But none of the choices lead me to any destination that I would like to go." Marcus glanced to Susan.

"Don't look at me. I'm pissed . . ." Ivanova held herself and looked up. "Actually, I can't believe how mad I still am at you. I have had countless lifetimes. Married in some. Children. Alone in others. I've run the gambit."

"Maybe because you are at the center of this controversy. The heart of the matter. The reason humans cannot accept my soul: humans cannot deal with their emotions. Isn't that right, Delenn?"

"Doesn't matter what you evolved into, if you can't remember what it is at the core of your species." Delenn frowned. "If you truly want to venture beyond known space, then you have some work to do. Emotions to deal with. Choices to make."

In Marcus's peripheral vision, he saw Lorien and his swirling blue lights disappear. He noted the alien appeared older than he remembered. Lorien was indeed too tired to expend his energy on their petty squabble. He did not even say goodbye.

"And if we do this . . ." Sheridan stepped toward Delenn. "Then are we able to-"

"There you people are." Emperor Mollari staggered into the Grey Council chamber. He pointed toward Marcus. "I should've known the Minbari absconded with you. It's always so gray in here. Well, I have great news: party at the palace. You're all invited."

"Londo, this is not the time." Delenn went to meet him.

"Oh, then when is it?" Mollari dodged her and headed straight for the Ranger. He pulled Marcus out of the light. Once he exited the circle, Marcus was in a grand Centauri hall.

A feast was set. A long table with fine chairs, dinnerware, and related items anchored the room. The centerpiece was a large chandelier high above them.

"Sit. Drink. Let's have a celebration. I have these dancers you should check out in the next room." Mollari winked. "Very provocative."

"Where are the others?"

"Angry but they'll catch up." He sat at the head of the table. "Takes them some time."

Marcus sat to the Emperor's left. "Are you ever sober?"

"I hope not. Tell me if I ever am. I would like to correct the tragedy immediately. What's eternity without entertainment? Huh?"

Servants placed food on their plates and drinks in their cups. The smell was fabulous. Marcus's appetite was awakened.

"Don't worry, since Minbari are coming, no one gets alcohol unless they ask. And believe me, I ask."

With a grin, Marcus sipped his fruity tea. "You were going to show me what this was all about."

"Yes. Yes, I was. But since the Minbari have tipped their hand and the humans look dumber for it, I'll tell you: guilt. Your guilt. Their guilt. It's all about guilt."

"You said before."

"I did? You can't expect me to remember everything I say."

Marcus chuckled. "Anyway, I don't have any guilt."

"About your life, you do. You lived while everyone else around you perished. That's guilt."

"When I saved Susan, my guilt similarly disappeared."

"Did it?"

"Of course, I finally got to repay the universe for allowing me to outlive my usefulness. Balance was restored."

"Suicide does not cause balance. That's what you did. No matter how you try to spin your good deed. You caused the perfect inequity: guilt. The gift that keeps on giving. Jumps from one person to the next. I love sharing it myself."

Marcus thought for a moment. "That's why Susan is reacting to me the way she has."

"You placed your guilt onto her. It rooted into the human collective consciousness so deeply that it keeps the humans from moving on."

"That's why Delenn kept me in stasis? Doesn't make sense to leave me . . . In a few lifetimes reborn and the human race would've found balance."

"With the Minbari, who knows? Eat. That's good Spoo."

Two loud voices echoed down the nearby hall. Marcus perked up. "Is that Doctor Franklin and G'Kar?"

"Yes, yes. Always going on about their damn 'ologies." Mollari gulped his drink and waved for more. A servant poured a brownish liquid into his shiny, gold goblet. "Biology did this. God did that. They're both wrong."

"Or, they're both right."

"Actually, I played a trick on both of them. That is why you cannot go through the two solid gray doors until you know which exit is safe."

"Because of a joke?"

"The best one ever invented. They haven't stopped arguing about it in centuries."

Marcus gestured toward the passageway. "May I?"

"Of course, you're not a prisoner. But I must warn you: their discussions can get a bit overheated."

"I think I can take care of myself." The Ranger smiled, stood, and left the grand banquet hall.

Once in the corridors, Marcus followed the voices of Stephen and G'Kar. No matter where he turned he could not catch up to his friends. He felt he was on a different plain of existence.

"Stephen? G'Kar? Anyone?" The lights flickered. "Oh, not again."

"Marcus." Lennier rushed to the Ranger's side. His creamed colored robes with muted green shoulders moved with him. "There you are. I went to the throne room, but Emperor Mollari was not there. Delenn sent me to find you. Come with me."

"Wait. Lennier." Marcus did not move and Lennier ceased his motion. "Is this all about guilt?"

"It's about a great many things."

"But I'm not the test taker, I'm the exam proctor, aren't I? Am I correct in my assumption?"

"You always had a way of seeing a situation from a unique point of view."

"Then why all the secrecy?"

Lennier exhaled. "It's not for me to say."

"What can you say? Or should I enjoy the Spoo with Emperor Mollari?" After a moment of silence, Marcus moved away. "Good day."

Lennier grasped his forearm. "I could never keep a secret from you. Let's find another place to discuss the matter."

Marcus followed his Minbari friend into a small room. Lennier shut the door behind them. He stood in front of the Ranger.

"Guilt is one reason for the test. But there is more than life and death at stake here."

"Such as?" Marcus raised an eyebrow.

"Happiness. True love. Soul mates."

"And how do I achieve these ends?"

"You know."

"Do as Susan complained: go around the obstacles they set out for me? Interesting plan."

"I would suggest . . ." Jeffrey Sinclair entered the room from a wall, "involving Londo."

The men turned to the new arrival. Each bowed to the other. The triumvirate was complete.

"Why do you suggest him?" Lennier stared at Sinclair.

"In his intoxicated state, he has no problem blurring the lines between species' consciousnesses. Or committing acts of kidnapping, disorderly conduct- Need I say more?"

"What do I have to do, Entil'Zha?"

"Face your guilt, Marcus."

"Well, I must start at the beginning . . . with my brother William."

"Then that's exactly what you're going to do."

With a snap of Sinclair's fingers, Marcus found himself in his corporate office. He sat at his desk. Not a luxurious room, but he enjoyed the exclusivity and quiet of the four walls.

Arisia III was as he recalled. The miserable volcanic planet spewed radioactive gases and soot. Even in the orbital far above the planet, the filters could not clean out every particle in the air handler system. Grime seemed to accumulate on his paperwork every hour of every day.

He brushed the sorrel specks aside. In the air, the soil smelled the same: musty and acidity and putrid. As the powder danced in the light, shimmers of metal and mineral floated. Twinkles of tiny individual fireworks brightened his day as they succumbed to artificial gravity.

He exhaled as he reminisced. The company had been his father's mining colony. A venture he inherited. One his younger brother did not support.

Marcus held William accountable for his unreliability. He needed his younger brother's support. He could not run a successful colony by himself. He required help.

When he looked up again, William sat in a guest chair on the other side of the desk. His bright smile illuminated Marcus's dreary countenance. How he has missed his kid brother.

"William?"

"It's me, Marcus." The young man Marcus remembered stared back at him. His Ranger uniform hung perfect on his slim shoulders. Dark crew cut hair was sleek and shiny. Blue eyes widened with a lift of his brows. "We have something to discuss."

"Yes, we do: my guilt."

"You're guilt?"

"I didn't listen and you died because of my stupidity."

"That's not what happened and you know it. The fault was mine. The guilt is mine."

"What do you have to be guilty for?" Marcus leaned forward in his chair. His elbows sat on the desktop.

"I left you with all of this. I didn't want to be saddled with dad's company, so I traveled the galaxy looking for adventure. An adventure I brought home to you."

"You were warning me."

"Did a bang up job. Everyone except you got killed. I should've faced you, not sent a note." He folded his hands together on his lap. "It was my responsibility. You were my responsibility."

"I was the older sibling."

"But I was the Ranger. If I had come in the first place, not waited until the Shadows were on top of you, things would have worked out differently."

"Would they have?"

"Yes. I would have taken care of you. The way you took care of everything else and I didn't have to worry about mom or dad or this place." William pointed toward the ceiling. "I strapped you down to a life you never wanted and I'm sorry for that."

"You feel guilty for leaving. I feel guilty for staying."

"Two sides of the same coin."

"Looks like we both got cashed out early."

"Can you ever forgive me?"

"If you can forgive me for never forgiving you in life."

"Done." William reached over the desk and offered his palm.

Marcus shook his brother's hand. "Done, then."

"There is one more matter I would like to discuss: my toy soldiers."

"What?"

"My army men, two inches high. Green and gray. When I was nine, they vanished right after we had a knock out drag out and dad had to separate us."

"You told on me. I was grounded for a month. You're lucky that's all I did was beat you."

"So you had nothing to do with my missing men?"

"I never touched them." Marcus simpered. "I had the dog eat them."

William laughed with Marcus. "Very nice, is that the reason Boss was so sick?"

"I never thought a beagle could turn green. The onboard doc was quite perplexed until he pumped the dog's stomach. I'm surprised dad didn't tell you."

"He was so mad at both of us for interrupting business as usual, he probably forgot." The lights dimmed. "Well, that's my cue."

"You can't stay?"

"We'll see each other soon enough. You have to take back some of what I dished out."

"Guilt?"

"Ready?" Delenn's voice entered the room.


	4. Chapter 4

**Circles Part 4 of 4** - (Reviews Requested)

When Marcus stood, he was at his Ranger training camp. Instead of his regular teachers, Delenn stood before him in a ceremonial room. This time she wore all white. Both greeted each other with a bow.

"What are we doing here?"

She handed him a piece of red fruit. He ate the sweet flesh. She ate some herself. "You owe me, Marcus."

"Owe you what?"

"As part of your Ranger training you were supposed to participate in the Nafak'cha. You did not. On Babylon Five you were obligated to fulfill the requirements of the Rebirth Ceremony again. You fled. Now, you will."

Marcus blinked. She had remembered. Even though he wanted to bolt out the nearest air lock, he knew he could not. He was stuck. He had to face his fears. "I must give up my guilt?"

"All of it this time." She held out her hand. "Also, you must give up something that means a great deal to you."

The Ranger deliberated. He had nothing else to give. He had lost his family, colony before he joined the Army of Light. Next he lost Susan and then his own life.

He had no material possessions. He had nothing to offer her. He was befuddled. "What else can I surrender?"

"An identity that helps you wallow in your guilt."

Reluctant, he removed his Ranger pendant and handed the gem to Delenn. That act hurt more than any other he had ever known. He needed that identity. He also realized how dependent he was on hiding behind his Ranger duties.

Her fingers clasped over the ornament. "Now, you must tell something you have never told anyone else."

He held his breath. Tears welled up in his eyes. He did not want to say what he felt. Vocalization would make the theoretical real.

Marcus released his apprehension and breathed again. "I never realized how my decisions affected others. I always assumed I was expendable. I never thought anyone would mourn my loss. Not as they have, anyway. I just didn't see the value of my own life. Now, I know I'm as important as every other human soul."

Delenn smiled and handed back the Ranger pendant to Marcus. "Congratulations, Anla'shok Cole, you are now a full-fledged Ranger."

"So I am." He giggled as he snapped the accessory onto his uniform. "Thank you. Now for you, Delenn."

"Me?"

"I'm not the only one participating, am I?"

She shook her head. She removed her engagement and wedding rings. "I've held onto these symbols for several millennia. Humans have lost what it is that makes them great. John too. I wear them in the hopes he'll come back to me."

"I'm your way to reclaim Captain Sheridan?"

"Yes, Marcus. I hoped you could restore the balance, but before love was lost between John and I . . ." She turned away from the Ranger. "There was never any mix up. Your cryogenic container was brought to Minbar. When Ivanova died, I kept hope alive that some way to revive you would be found. Before I passed beyond the veil, I had you sent to a medical isolation lab in the middle of unchartered space."

"But why?"

She turned back to him. "At first, I didn't know what else to do. If you were some how alive in there, I couldn't just cut off the machine."

"Then?"

"I saw how humanity viewed themselves. The goals they were setting to improve their race. I figured someday humans would need someone like you to remind them of who they are."

"Seems, you were right."

"But not at the cost of your soul."

"I promise, my soul and I are just fine." He stared deep into her blue eyes. "If I must give up my guilt, then so do you, Delenn."

"I'm sorry, Marcus, for making you go through this."

"All is forgiven." He grinned. "Anyway, it's not for not. If you hadn't hid me away, I would never know how angry Susan was at me."

"I don't see how that helps you."

"You don't stay mad thousands of years at someone unless you really do love them."

Her eyes sparkled. "Now, to get her to admit it."

"I bet humanity would take notice."

"In the end, you will have a choice to make. You are in fact in stasis."

"I'll deal with that reality after we deal with the whole crux of this situation. Shall we?" He gestured to leave. "We have humanity to save."

Delenn escorted Marcus back into the Grey Council chambers. The others were present in their lit circles. Stephen and G'Kar were still missing. Londo was at his guestless party.

Marcus and Delenn explained much of what they had learned, but not everything. He kept Delenn's secret about John. He realized speaking too soon could have a potential catastrophic affect. Then Susan would slide further away.

"Whoa, wait a minute . . ." Garibaldi pointed into the Minbari's direction. "Delenn, you opened up this old wound as a reminder notice?"

"Someone had to." Sinclair looked at Garibaldi. "We've gotten so far off track. Or, how could one soul have caused all this mess?"

"If we . . ." Ivanova gestured in a circle to encompass everyone in the room. "All of us here. Forgive Marcus for being a suicidal maniac . . ."

"Thank you, Susan." Marcus felt insulted.

"You're welcome." Ivanova snorted. "If we do, then can we please move on?"

"What's your rush?" The Ranger put his hands on his hips.

"Rush? You've been asleep. We've actually been living this nightmare called life. I'm tired. I'm cranky and I want a good stiff drink."

"Don't we all?" Garibaldi raised his hand.

Delenn left her circle of light and glided to Sheridan's area. She handed him the rings. "Here."

"Why are you giving these to me? They're yours. I want you to have them."

"Because we haven't been married, haven't been soul mates in quite a long time. We have also lost our way."

He took her hands in his. "I know things have been strained, but this isn't what I want."

"Then what do you want, John?" Sinclair commanded the room's attention with his voice. "I suggest maybe you and Delenn should find out. Susan accompany Marcus to Londo's palace. We'll meet up later."

"And what about me?" Garibaldi interrupted the exodus.

"You and Lennier get to come with me." Sinclair grinned. "We've got work to do."

Next, Marcus found himself in Londo's banquet hall. Susan stood near the bar. She knocked back a brown fluid. She motioned the bartender for another shot.

He went to her. "Thirsty?"

As she gulped another unit of liquor, Londo giggled. "All the perks, none of the hang over."

"Amen."

Marcus turned to Susan. "And what do you think of all this?"

"Maybe if Delenn and John can work out their differences, then we can go to the Rim."

"Is that your only goal?"

With another drink in hand, Susan made her way to the table. Marcus followed and sat beside her. Londo feasted on his Spoo at the head. The two humans retired in the middle of the endless table.

"I need a vacation, Marcus. From what I remember of our lives together, it was stressful."

"War will make you feel that way."

"A lot of things made me feel that way."

"You're talking about us, aren't you?"

"Hard to when there was no us."

"You had no regrets when I died?"

She drank some more. "Regrets? You want a list of regrets? I spent my whole life trying to erase what you did. Give up your life for me. I worked extra hard at everything."

"And you spent time with me."

"You were all I could think about. All I ever . . ."

"Ever, what?"

She slammed down her glass. "You know."

"It's called survivor's guilt. I had it and I passed it on to you. I'm sorry for that Susan. That is my regret. I never told you. Never showed you."

"I didn't either, Marcus." Susan grasped his hand. "You were always there. By my side. I just assumed you would be."

"I was. Every step of the way."

She snorted a laugh then became solemn. "I know survivor's guilt. I understand why you did what you did for me. I hadn't realized what it would mean to me if something were to happen to you."

"Do any of us really? We think about it. We buried it so deeply in our minds because emotionally we can't handle the brevity of life. The people we love how they'll disappear one by one from our lives until we're next on the list."

"To tell you the truth, I couldn't have done half the accomplishments I did without knowing that someday we would meet again." She giggled. "I thought I had to report to you. Which is why I went and spoke to your cryogenic chamber. I wanted you to know I was doing something with the second chance you gave me. I was making a difference."

"For ten thousand years?" He stared deep into her eyes. "You have nothing to prove to me."

"Don't I?" Susan smiled. "I know what you want from me. I wish I could give that to you."

"But?"

"I'm not ready."

Marcus raised her hand and kissed the back. "If I can keep hope alive, I'll be satisfied."

She kissed his cheek. Both smiled. Nothing was ever over.

Garibaldi plopped down next to Ivanova. He grabbed Ivanova's drink, smelled the contents, and placed the glass back on the table. "Wow, that's strong. Burnt the nose hairs right off."

"Stick to your orange juice." Ivanova shoved him with her shoulder. "This table's for grown ups."

"What are you doing here?" Marcus furrowed his brow. "I thought you had something to do with Sinclair and Lennier."

"Isn't it obvious?" Garibaldi pointed pass Marcus. "Lennier's Christmas Past. I'm Christmas Present."

"Which makes me the future." Sinclair finished with an all-knowing smile.

Marcus peered at the religious leader. "So you know how this story ends?"

"No, Marcus, that is up to you. I am only a guide."

Susan looked around the table. "Where's Delenn and Sheridan?"

"Their home on Minbar." Sinclair sat down beside Lennier. "Londo has a proposition for you."

"Yes, but I'm not interested in the dancing girls."

"No, not the girls. The doors." Londo sat next to Lennier. He fanned himself. "Why did you have to be clear down here? It's uncomfortable in the summer months."

"Explain to him about the passageways." Sinclair smiled with a curve of sadness.

"Your utlimate joke." Marcus turned his attention to the Emperor, but he noticed Susan never relinquished his hand. He laced his fingers in hers. "I can't choose until I know which one is safe, remember?"

"The first door is more of the same. The other is life. Which for anyone but you is a terrible realization." Londo sipped at his goblet. "We would be lost in this new galaxy. That and totally bodiless."

"So it's down to two choices again." Marcus reclined into his chair.

"Before Delenn went off with Sheridan, she made me place two more doors."

"Two?" Sinclair frowned. "She didn't mention that."

"Being part Minbari yourself, you know how weird their requests can be and without explanation." Londo signaled for more alcohol. The servant who had followed him filled his cup. "The third door is to commune with the Minbari until such time your body dies. The fourth door will lead to a life of your choosing. Anything you can dream up will be yours."

"Anything?"

"Am I slurring my words again?"

"No. I'm just in awe of your abilities."

"So, what have you decided?" Susan caressed his hand.

"I guess I have some thinking to do. Where are these doors?"

Londo gestured. "Down the hall. Several meters. You can't miss them. Four large gray doors."

"Thank you all but I need some time alone." Marcus kissed Susan's hand one more time. He stood, bowed, and departed their company. Not long afterward, he discovered the doors.

Marcus stood in front of the four choices. In his mind, hours had flown by. He did not know which he should choose. He knew what he wanted, but did she?

Susan sighed as she stepped beside him. "I figured you already knew what you wanted."

"I do."

"Then what's the hold up?"

"Consequences. I don't want to pass on any more guilt."

"We've dealt with our collective guilt. So what is it?"

"Depends."

"On?"

He lifted and opened his hand. "Care to join me?"

"I won't have a body, Marcus."

"I didn't say I was choosing life."

"You would let go?"

"I didn't say I was choosing death." He stared forward. Without moving his head, he glanced in her direction. "I just wanted to know if you would . . ."

"Spend an eternity with the Minbari?" After a giggle, she placed her hand in his. "Whatever your choice is Marcus, I'll support your decision. And when you've returned I'll be waiting for a detailed report."

"Double spaced?"

"And in Standard English."

Guilt vanished. For the first time, Marcus felt the weight of all his fears lift from his shoulders. Part of the reason is that he forgave other people for their trespasses. Another part was he forgave himself. The last and most critical piece is that he realized the truth about life, love, and honor.

Never be without them.

He grinned. He had everything he ever wanted. With his mind made up, Marcus reached over and turned the knob.

* * *

Thank you for reading "Circles We Find Ourselves In." I hope you enjoyed the story.

If you could help me improve my writing skills, please leave a comment of like or disliked; a review of a few sentences or more would be even better. I like to know if I am reaching my audience in a positive manner.

Please visit me anytime.

9/7/2010


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